dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
