I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
