You don't have asthma, your pregnant
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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