Midget sex pt 2 tonight
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
