i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We left the knife in your bed.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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