i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
