Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Send help, water and tortillas.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
