We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
