can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
