Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
