That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
