hell yes lets make some ravioli
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
