wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
