duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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