I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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