omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
