people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
