Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
