it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Can I color on your dick again?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
