She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize