we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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