She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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