Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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