hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
