Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
