Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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