My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
