i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Randomize
