o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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