I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
