hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
