I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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