I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
