Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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