he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
