it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
