Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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