EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
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you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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