If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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