I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize