I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
why is half of my head shaved?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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