me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
All the doctor said was why
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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