I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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