I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
