remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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