Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
