guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You are the jesus of drinking
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
