I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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