and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
