Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
