weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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