I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
