Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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