Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
