i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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