he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
