Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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