I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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