I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
