I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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