I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
