I just made out with a guy for $7.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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