Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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