at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
