Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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