STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
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i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
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I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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