I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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