I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
