Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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