good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
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Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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