Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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