hotel room ftw
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
