I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
the liver wants what the liver wants
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
