brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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