When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
