You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
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I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
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Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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