i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Dick very happy bro
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
