wanna go halves on a baby?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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