I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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