You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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