I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
