I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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