That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
