Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
