Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
