DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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